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by Sri Hari
Here is the easy way to learn about Communication skills without
going through a 300+ pages book
which, one can forget about before
he finishes it
Always start with an Intention: Anything we start, including
communication skills, usually has reason and a starting point. While
we become conscious about this fact for the obvious things like
brushing our teeth to avoid tooth decay, we forget to give the same
importance to our communication. We start talking, go through all
the niceties and then some how stumble upon the reason for
conversation or make it up by that time. The problem with this
approach is that the message looses its power. If you keep doing
this often, you loose the power to bring it to work when needed. As
a soldier polishes and keeps his guns fit even during peacetime, we
have to keep our arsenal of communication skills handy to use, when
required.
Forget techniques and learn principles:
A lot of managers are fond of using something called a Sandwich
technique. It is situation where you slip in a negative comment or
feedback layered in between two positive comments. It is a good
technique no doubt. But if you repeat it to the same old staff for 2
years, it means you are not capable of innovating. People get
conditioned to any one particular behavior over time and so the
technique looses its impact.
We all develop a favorite way of reacting to situations. We
gather these techniques by experience and learning from others. What
we eventually have forgotten is that they are just techniques, and
are replaceable. Something like software programs which almost
always get replaced by a better version. But since it works so well
to us, we get possessive about it and find our selves bound by it.
It becomes difficult to break that mould. A person in a mould is
like a frog in the well. He has limited reach and limited awareness.
Technique is like giving fish to a hungry man while understanding a
principle is like teaching him fishing. So instead of getting all
cluttered up with techniques understand the principles driving them.
You will find many on my website.
Develop flexibility in language and in approach:
Most people will think being flexible means using all the words
in the Dictionary. Having a good vocabulary does not mean that
people have to run for a dictionary every time you speak. Instead, a
good vocabulary means that you have created enough choices and
variety in your language to suit the listening or reading
requirements of many people. Flexibility is also needed in your
approach to communication. Developing more than one approach is
really good. If your style of approaching women is the Nice Guy, try
the cocky and funny approach. See how that works. Please do not
measure any new skill by the initial response you get because, all
new skills need to be naturalized before it becomes effective. As
you develop flexibility, you will find yourself more comfortable to
live with and then others will also find you comfortable to be with.
So to be the survivor of the fittest in the field of
communication skills, always start with an intention in your mind.
Once you master this, your level of influence will increase rapidly.
Take away your focus on techniques and learn the principles. This
way you tap the source of power itself rather than a branch. The
last and most importantly, develop flexibility in your language and
approach. It will maximize your audience and thus your power.
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