by Jayaram V
Emotions are the drama of your life. Without emotions,
life would be dull and boring like an empty canvass. The Star Trek
character Spock may have many good qualities, but it is doubtful
if he would ever be an ideal life partner, unless the other person
is equally unemotional. Emotions are at the heart of both good and
bad relationships. They bring people together and also tear them
People express their opinions about emotions, but know little
about them and much less how to deal with them, live with them and
keep them under control. When we are under their influence, it is
as if we are different people, living in a different world. We have
stories of gods and goddesses and saints and seers becoming emotional
and making mistakes.
Many people would not like to admit that they have difficulty
in coping with their emotions. But emotions keep surfacing in our
lives and cause mental high and lows. It is necessary that we understand
our emotions and know how to live with them, without destroying
our zest for life and without impairing our inner peace and mental
stability. The following suggestions are helpful to deal with your
emotions and gain some control over them.
1. Appreciate your emotions
Not all emotions are bad. There are positive emotions, like joy,
happiness and love that are very essential for your well being.
They keep you in a positive state of mind and remind you that you
are alive. They increase your zest for life and keep you from losing
hope through trials and tribulations. They keep you healthy and
energetic and make you feel good about yourself.
Even negative emotions like fear and anger have their benefits.
Fear keeps you within bounds and saves you from possible harm. Anxiety
keeps you alert during some critical tasks, such as driving or preparing
for exams. Your anger tells others how they can relate to you and
to what extent they can take liberties with you. Besides it helps
you to protect yourself from the meanness of others.
So appreciate your emotions. Express your positive emotions like
love and joy as frequently as possible. Make it a habit to laugh
and smile, if necessary even deliberately. Appreciate all the blessings
in your life and live with a sense of gratitude. The more you indulge
in positive emotions, the greater will be your ability to cope with
the difficulties in your life and accept them as a part of your
2. Accept your emotions
Emotions are an integral and important aspect of your personality.
You cannot do without them. You cannot suppress them totally. They
are essential for your survival and serve a definite purpose in
your life by giving you advance warning signals and alerting you
to different situations.
So acknowledge your emotions, by paying them adequate attention.
By acknowledging your emotions you give yourself an opportunity
to recognize them and take suitable action to channel them in the
People, who go through severe traumas, often refuse to acknowledge
their emotions. They live with their pent up emotions for years
together, without even knowing that they are hurting themselves
inside. They become hard and indifferent from outside, while internally
they remain defensive insecure and deeply suspicious of other people
and their motives. This leads to unhappy consequences because by
refusing to acknowledge their emotions they deny themselves an opportunity
to resolve their suffering and find peace in their hearts and minds.
3. Experience your emotions fully
Intense emotions like anger and rage are real killers. If you
are not careful, they can cause great harm to you and others. If
you direct them towards others, those for whom it is intended will
feel hurt and if you keep them to yourself, you will feel hurt inside.
Therefore, it is always better to find an appropriate outlet
for your emotions, without hurting yourself or others, and keep
the steam in you under control.
Find ways and means to express your emotions, without hurting
or causing inconvenience to others. If you are really upset, stay
alone and let the emotions subside or find a lonely place, where
you can express your emotions without embarrassing yourself.
When you are overwhelmed with emotions, feel them mindfully and
express them in your own ingenious ways, without looking crazy,
in the comforts of your own privacy, such as punching a bag, letting
out a sigh or crying alone.
By expressing your emotions you lighten up. You take out their
energy and reduce their ability and intensity to hurt you or anyone
else. Emotions contain intense energy. They are actually outbursts
of powerful mental energy. If you hold them inside you for long,
they can damage you both physically and mentally. So it is better
to bring them out and reduce their impact. By venting your emotions
you prevent or reduce the possibility of suffering from psychosomatic
disorders, which are usually caused by negative and harmful emotions.
Many people are not comfortable with their emotions. So they
try to suppress them, or ignore them or distance themselves from
them. But emotions just do not go away, unless you pay them adequate
attention and remedy the underlying cause.
Experience your emotions here and now, as they arise, paying
full attention to the bodily parts where they leave their footprints.
4. Keep yourself in good health
It is now a well established fact that the mind and body are
interconnected and that emotions happen simultaneously both in the
mind and the body. What happens in one may impact the other. Your
physical health depends upon your emotional health and vice versa.
When you experience strong negative emotions, your body suffers
too. Many psychosomatic disorders, such as high blood pressures,
back pain, chest pain, stress, headaches, indigestion, weight gain
and insomnia, are caused by negative emotions. Frequent recurrence
of negative emotions weakens the immune system and exposes the body
to various problems, by releasing several chemicals into the blood
A healthy body withstands the impact of negative emotions better
than an unhealthy body. As you feel better about yourself, you will
experience positive emotions more frequently. Exercise regularly.
It provides a good outlet for the negative emotions and the toxins
that accumulate in the body due to them. Make health your priority.
A healthy body is a great asset in improving your emotional health.
Regular exercise, relaxation and proper diet contribute positively
to your emotional well being.
5. Stay in the present, here and now
As most of us know, life is what happens to us with or without
our involvement, as we keep worrying about our past and feel anxious
about our future. Our preoccupation with past and future keep us
mostly in a state of emotional turmoil.
If you remain focused on the present, you get an opportunity
to experience your emotions consciously, acknowledge them and allow
them to dissipate slowly so that they cease to be harmful. You become
aware of the habitual thought processes, which lead to negative
emotions and learn to deal with them appropriately.
You can stay with the present moment, by practicing mindfulness
or learning to be where you are. Focus what is happening around
you right now. Focus your attention on the various activities you
perform, such as walking, eating, bathing, cleaning and breathing.
Pay attention to your thoughts, your body, the feelings and sensations
you are experiencing right now. Stay with the moment when you are
in the company of people. Be attentive to what they say, what you
say, their expressions and body language. Learn to appreciate things
as if you have never seen them before, without preconceived notions
and judgment. Live as if today matters and live your life fully.
When you stay in the present you will relax and experience equanimity.
You will also be able to think and act when you are confronted with
situations which usually give rise to emotional disturbances.
Source: Reproduced partially from
the article, "Dealing With Emotions" from the book Think Success
by Jayaram V. You may purchase this book from
our online store or from
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