Techniques to Boost Your Self-Esteem 

by Jayaram V

Self-esteem is the way you feel about yourself and treat yourself. It is how you define yourself and hold yourself in your esteem. Your well being, inner happiness, attitude, thinking, actions, expectations, relationships, failures, accomplishments, social skills, courage and confidence depend on your self-esteem. It influences the way you respond to your life's challenges, other people's opinions and your own inner critic who keeps nagging you constantly . You may get away from unplesant friends and relationships, stay away from threatening or disturbing situations, but cannot escape from yourself and your inseparable inner critic.

People with low self-esteem usually tend to 

1. develop low expectation about themselves,
2. avoid taking risks,
3. suffer from fear of failure and fear of rejection,
4. seek the approval of others,
5. give more weight to the opinion of others,
6. lack true leadership qualities,
7. become over defensive in leadership positions,
8. suffer from bouts of self-doubt, anxiety and stress,
9. enter into unhappy and unequal relationships,
10. react emotionally rather than rationally in difficult and challenging situations, 
11. hesitate to express themselves honestly in the company of others,
12. rarely live in the present,
13. have a problem saying 'no' to others,
14. have a problem accepting 'no' from others 
15. suffer frequent bouts of self-doubt and
16. adjust to low pay and unhappy work situations

Self-esteem is a product of experience. Very early in your life, you form an opinion about yourself, which stays with you for the rest of your life, unless you bring a change in your thinking and attitude. If a child's self-confidence is constantly eroded through mindless criticism, ill treatment and unjustified comparison with others, sooner or later the child would suffer from low self-esteem. If parents discriminate among their children it would cause heavy loss of self-esteem among the least favored. 

A person's self-esteem may fluctuate from time to time depending upon circumstances. People who migrate to other countries either as refugees or in search of livelihood, people who live as minorities in their own countries suffering from social disabilities and discrimination, people who are deprived of their jobs or income or status by circumstances may suffer from temporary loss of self-esteem. Unless a person is equipped with resilience, repeated failures and setbacks will erode his or her self-esteem greatly. 

Basic honesty and unconditional self acceptance are the keys to a healthy self image. But for some one who has been tormented for years by self-doubt and nagging poor self-image, these blessings would not come easily. It has to begin with a brutally honest self-evaluation, followed by a program of action that needs to be implemented with total commitment. The following are some of the ways to deal with your problem of low self-esteem. 

1. Develop a list of your strengths and weaknesses with complete honesty. Develop suitable strategies to use your strengths and work on your weaknesses.
2. Develop a healthy mindset to deal with failure and rejection by refusing to take them personally.  
3. Learn to take risks with a positive mental attitude.
4. Accept what you are and what you can without judging yourself harshly.
5. Focus on your achievements and your blessings.
6. Whatever you do, give your best. Focus on the task rather than the result. 
7. Let go of your past and the unpleasantness that exists in your mind about people and situations. Forgive those who treated you rather unfairly in the past. 
8. Pay attention to your health and physical appearance and keep yourself physically fit.
9. Use positive affirmations and visualization techniques to boost your confidence and self image.
10. Keep your mind focused on positive thoughts.
11. Strive for expertise in a particular field. 
12. Increase your general knowledge and knowledge of your profession, of places and people and human behavior. This would help you in your conversations and presentations by boosting your self-confidence.
13. Cultivate friends who can nurture you and help you cope with your feelings during set backs.
14. Cultivate assertiveness, either by reading self-help books on the subject or participating in a training program.
15. Practice mindfulness and learn to watch your actions and reactions with complete awareness.
16. Finish what you begin, however challenging may be the task.
17. Read the biographies of people who persevered during tough times without losing faith in themselves.
18. Learn to love yourself unconditionally.
19. Develop a non judgmental attitude by controlling your habitual thoughts and reactions. Use the daily news or a similar program in TV to cultivate non judgmental observation and awareness.
20. Celebrate your success and learn from your failures.
21. Help others without expecting anything in return.

Self-esteem is all about feeling good about yourself and your achievements. You can achieve it by changing your mindset, accepting yourself unconditionally, suspending your judgment about yourself and others and learning to cope with your successes and failures with a positive mental attitude.