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by Barbara White
Self esteem is a familiar term that is used, but what exactly
does it mean? Self Esteem is actually a
system of measurement. It is
a way of measuring and describing how a person thinks and feels
about themselves. It is a method that attempts to measure a person’s
value or self worth.
Self Esteem measures how people think about
themselves in two different aspects . By using a combination of
these two criteria enables a person to make a judgment about their
unique value, or worth as a person. From this judgment a feeling of
self esteem is usually formed. Here are the two criteria people
commonly use to measure self esteem: How Lovable Am I? Your self
esteem is based on how lovable you think you are. How do you decide
how lovable you are?
This is usually determined by what you think
other people think of you, and how much you think these other people
care about you. How Capable Are You? Your self esteem is measured by
what you think about the things you ‘do’. This falls into two
groups; your traits and behaviours.
Traits refers to attributes such
as patience, being brave, clean, organized, thrifty etc. Qualities
that you believe are valuable and desirable in your life. Behaviours
are more specific, for example, how fast you can run 100 metres, how
well you can cook dinner, or add up numbers. As you determine your
self esteem to the degree that you consider yourself lovable and
capable, it will inevitably be deeply rooted in your intrinsic
belief in your uniqueness, value and worth as a person. It is also,
clearly a subjective opinion and strongly influenced by your
personal beliefs and values as well as the influence of your family,
upbringing and other significant life events.
This process of
measuring your value and worth as a person poses some interesting
questions for consideration. If I were to ask you to rate your level
of self esteem today with a number between 1-10, with 1 being no
self esteem, you see no value in your life and are seriously
considering suicide, and 10 being thinking you are the greatest
person in the whole world- What would your number be? Supposing
tomorrow, you had an argument with your best friend and they didn’t
like you or want to speak to you ever again, would your number
remain the same or be lower?
If your self esteem is affected by your
emotions, or the way you interact with people and how you perceive
what they think of you then there is a fundamental problem. The
problem is your self esteem will inevitably be unstable and easily
affected by your feelings and perceptions which arise from your
circumstances and the way people respond to you. However your worth
and value as a person, in reality, remains the same, irrespective of
your emotions, circumstances and relationships.
You are not any less
of value as a person tomorrow than today or yesterday. One person’s
reaction or opinion cannot change your value and worth as a person.
Your emotions cannot change your value as a unique human being, any
more than catching a cold or someone else having a bad day can
devalue your worth. Your value as a person remains constant whether
the sun is shining and you are having a great day, or there’s a
storm outside and the events of the day are not going as well as you
would like them to.
Everyone has value and worth as a human being.
We are all unique with different personalities, strengths and
weaknesses, and each one of us have been created as lovable and
capable people. I would like to suggest that our self esteem should
not be based on our thoughts and perceptions of how we are treated
or valued by other people, or by how well or badly we perform,
whether to our personal standards or that of others. Rather our self
esteem will grow from a deeper inner place as we discover and accept
our uniqueness and value, and learn how to love and live life with
purpose
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