Transactional Analysis and Adult Behavior

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by Jayaram V

Eric Berne proposed an integrative model to explain human behavior and personality disorders, which he termed Transactional Analysis (TA). According to it, the human personality consists of three basic components, the parent, the child and the adult.

The parent part is what every person inherits from his parents in the form of commands, rules, dos and don'ts. It is usually authoritative and preservative.

The child part consists of the emotions, feelings and perceptions people experience in their childhood as a result of parental and peer control.  It is usually emotional and creative and vulnerable to parental controls and suggestions embedded in memory.

The adult part is what people gather through their own experience, observation, curiosity, analysis and rational thinking. It is usually mature, rational and observant.

The three parts play an important role in human behavior. The child is important to experience feelings and emotions. The parent helps us lead a disciplined and self-regulated life and abide in social and moral values. The adult is necessary to think rationally and make matured decisions according to the circumstances and current reality. In an ideal situation they are supposed to be in balance, with the adult in control.

However, problems arise when the three functions overlap. When the parent or child take over the control, the adult becomes contaminated and loses control. Thereby, one acts like a child or parent and fails to think rationally or objectively. The thinking becomes clouded as past emotions and rigid parental instructions and irrational beliefs take hold. With a contaminated adult and a dominant child or parent in control, people experience problems in their thinking and relationships. Instead of spontaneously and objectively reacting to situations, they engage in repetitive and habitual behavior, playing their old tapes and in the process experience guilt and negativity.  

instead of genuinely participating in conversations and establishing healthy relationships, they play games to protect themselves from perceived threats and injustices, which make them feel even worse. As they engage in cross transactions (arguments, criticism, etc.) instead of complimentary transactions which lead to understanding and harmony, they have to cope with failed relationship or unsatisfactory relationships and loneliness.

Berne suggested that the adult part must remain in charge to establish clarity and maturity in thinking, to engage in rational and clear communication with others, to live spontaneously in the present and to act according to situation. For that, one must learn to remain centered in the adult. Some of the best ways to bring out the adult in you are listed below.

1. Stay in the present

2. Keep your emotions under control

3. Ask questions and seek answers.

4. Pay attention and be mindful.

5. Observe people and their behavior for subtle cues when you are communicating

5. Avoid cross transactions to the extent possible.

6. Refuse to engage the child or the parent in others unless you have a valid reason

Although the child and the parent parts are troublesome, they compliment the human personality. Their importance cannot be ignored. From the parent we learn the value of discipline and the importance of following rules and regulations and honoring the prevailing laws and moral and social obligations  From the child we learn the value of joys and sorrows and the importance of positive emotions, relaxation, play, self-expression, imagination, happiness, freedom and creativity. The child makes us human, the parent disciplined and the adult organized and rational.

Therefore, it is necessary and healthy to let the parent and child have their say in your life and occasionally express themselves. However, it has to be done with the adult in control. Bernie also suggested that the parent and child parts should be thoroughly checked and subject to rational and reality check so that they do not become troublesome or draw the adult into their games.

To know more about Transactional Analysis, you can read the popular psychology book (7 million copies sold) by Thomas Harris, I'm OK--You're OK