How To Spot A Jerk, Wimp or A Control Freak

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by Valerie Steimle

It‘s the single life for me as well as many others who haven’t found “the one” yet. Being the second time around for many singles, we need to be careful with who we spend our time. It’s too bad we don‘t have a handbook to follow on how to spot a jerk. No one wants to get hurt in relationships so what are the tell tale signs of someone we should avoid?

1. The Sport Nut: This guy is mostly harmless except he’s married to his sports. He might spend some time with you to hook you in but then when his season comes around (football, basketball, baseball) he wants you there with him to watch the game. Three or four games a season or even maybe a few more than that might be okay but watching every game played is a bit much. He won’t get involved in what you want to do because he is so fanatical about his sports. He wants you to go run off to the store for more munchies and drinks while his eyes are glued to the TV for hours at a time. If you love sports he’s the guy for you, but if you don’t, get out soon without your feelings getting hurt. Don’t think you can change him during your time together; he’s too attached to his sports.

2. The Control Freak: This guy seems great in the beginning, having a fun time together, doing “couple” things but as the relationship progresses you notice some strange behavior. An old friend calls and he tries to distract you from talking on the phone. You go grocery shopping together and the produce guy talks a little too long with you about peaches and he starts to pull you away by your arm. You go out to eat and the server pays attention to you and your date starts to get agitated. Months go by and he wants to know exactly where you are and what you are doing all the time. This gets really old soon and you are stuck. If you like having a father figure, having to know every minute of every day what you are doing and where you are going then go for it. Otherwise get out while you can. He is only going to suffocate your life.

3. The Wimp: This guy also seems harmless and for the most part he is but after a while you will notice that he lets you do everything. You open your own doors, get your own drinks (and his too for that matter) maybe even change a flat tire if you are willing to do it. It’s not that he doesn’t like you, he just doesn’t care to do things for you. Sometimes I think guys are naturally lazy but that is no reason to let them take advantage of you. Let them do the work for you during appropriate times. If you don’t mind being “the man” in the relationship then go for it. Otherwise get out while it’s early or you will end up doing everything.

4. The Player: This particular guy is probably the worst type and the hardest to spot. He is very subtle and you won’t even know what hit you, until it’s all over. He strings you along with the old charm: attentive listener, opens doors, wants to be with you, wines and dines you until after a time, maybe 3 or 4 months passes and something happens. He doesn’t call. He doesn’t answer your emails or returns your messages. Then you find out he had two or three other women he was doing all the same things to and you were just dropped from the herd. You were becoming too much work for him and since he liked the other women better, he chose them to spend his time and you are just out of luck. The line from the old Beatle’s song Hey Jude is a perfect example for this kind of guy: “For well you know it’s a fool who plays it cool by making his world a little colder.” Don’t get sucked in and make yourself a nuisance. Stop leaving messages and emails and when he gets dumped by the others and calls you, (and he will) tell him you are not interested and leave it at that. There are much better guys out there for you than him. He’ll just break your heart.

So ladies, beware of the guy who takes advantage of you. You know the red flags and the warning signs. You can be a little wiser so as not to get your feelings hurt. There are a lot of nice guys out there who are worth spending the time. Don’t give up and you will see that the wait for the better guy is well worth it.