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Negation of Self, Going Beyond the Ego Identity




by Jayaram V

To deny knowledge, experience, the known is to invite the unknown - Jiddu Krishnamurthy

We are afraid of this total destruction of the known, the ground of the self, the me and the mine; the known is better than the unknown, the known with its confusion, conflict and misery; freedom from this known may destroy what we call love, relationship, joy and so on. - Jiddu Krishnamurthy

The known breeds sorrow and love is the freedom from the known - Jiddu Krishnamurthy

So, at first, to begin with, one must be able to get out of the ego. Afterwards, it has to be, you understand, in a certain state of inexistence. Then you begin to perceive things as they are, form a little higher up. But if you want to know things as they really are, you must be absolutely like a mirror: silent, peaceful, immobile, impartial, without preferences and in a state of total receptivity- The Mother

Some people ask, "Where is God and if he is there actually, why does He not appear to us?" Some go to a sacred place, a temple or Church and bring out their best behavior. They act piously and think religiously for the time they are in that sacred presence. But when they come out, we see them becoming their usual selves and indulging in their old routine acts of selfishness and self promotion. A few minutes of prayer, a little attention to God, may be better in a way compared to no religious activity. But if any one believes that it is going to bring him or her face to face with God he or she is badly mistaken.

Even a student of first standard has to do his little bit of home work, learn some basics to gain the approval of his teachers and enter the next standard. If this is so, how can any one expect to succeed in spiritual endeavor without corresponding effort? He who believes that it is not so, may visit a temple or church his entire life, but may not experience the true vision of God.

There are powerful orators who appear on TV screens or in front of some special audience and speak about God with such force and vehemence that sometimes we wonder whether they are in the midst of some election campaign or working in the marketing department of some divine corporation! One hardly finds any peace in their manner, in their words, in their demeanor and their behavior. They are the unrefined souls, full of personal ambition, trying to provide some divine fantasy to gullible people.

God is not to be found in our thoughts, nor in our mundane actions. He is not to be found exclusively in any books or in some one's sacred speech. No church, no temple, no mosque can house God except symbolically or representatively.

He is beyond books, beyond thoughts, beyond words, and beyond all emotions. When your senses are quiet, when your mind is at peace, resting and relaxing, when your thoughts are asleep in the lap of silence, and when your emotions have retreated into some quite corner, you will find Him in the silence of your heart and in the oneness of your being.

You will find Him when you have disciplined yourself, when you have gained control over yourself, when you are in a position to deal with your desires and set them aside without upsetting your inner balance. You will see Him when you leave behind that ambition which has made you so competitive and at times insensitive. You will discern His foot prints on the path of your life, when you shun all your desire driven egoistic activity that has rendered you so selfish and envious. You will see Him when you are able to love unconditionally those few who come into contact with you directly and undermine you and all that you stand for in every possible way.

If you can look at yourself without any expectation, if you can look at your future without any anxiety, if you can empty your mind of all that belongs to you and represents you, if you can act and live as if you do not exist except as a mere concept or idea, if you can strip yourself of all your possessions at least mentally and sincerely, if you are willing to let go of every thing at the slightest hint from Him, you will perhaps find God looking at the world thorough your eyes and communicating with the world through your words. It is when you close the door on yourself, that you find the other door opening, the door that leads to pure Light and utter Delight, the door through which Divine force enters and takes care of your life. You become an empty shell, devoid of all egoism but full of divine Self.

Practical suggestions

For just for one day stop living and thinking for yourself. Stop putting yourself in front of every one and every thing. Stop behaving as if the world should and must exist for you, for your happiness and comfort. Accept the notion that it does not matter whether you are a part of this great world or not.

Stop expressing yourself, declaring your thoughts, stating your dear and trying to impress others. Instead listen to others with enormous patience, without feeling the compulsion of speaking in reply to prove a point or project your knowledge.

Set aside all impression management. It does not matter whether any one really likes you or not. It does not matter whether you should become acceptable to the world outside or not. Forget about self presentation and self advancement. Do not react. Do not put forth any suggestions or view points.

Live as if it does not matter whether any one should really care about you, think about you or feel concerned about you. Do not draw any attention to yourself by such acts that place you prominently in any group. Do not make yourself important in any way. Do not give your opinions unless you are asked.

Do not defend yourself verbally unless there is something very serious at stake. Do not worry about what is going to happen. Do not plan anything in particular. Let things happen rather than you forcing them to happen. Do not strive. Do not struggle. Cultivate the silence of the heart and keep praying.

And if you can do this sincerely and frequently, you will cross the first hurdle, your ego, which leads to humility and a reorientation in your thinking and attitude. From being the center of the world, you learn to accomodate the world around you as part of your learning process. This is only the first stage in the long journey that leads you someday to the world of God.

Suggested Further Reading

Selected Upanishads
Translation of 14 Upanishads. Length: 32 pages

The Brihadaranyaka Upanishad
Translation of one of the largest Upanishads Length: 206 pages.

The Chandogya Upanishad
Translation of the Chandogya Upanishad. Length:218 Pages

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