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by Elizabeth Tull
Living with clinical depression and/or personality disorders
within the family requires so much from loved
ones. The challenges
are no less complicated for the family than of the depressed. There
is support and healing in creating an environment where there is
only one patient and no hostages.
1. Remember that it is an illness.
Clinical depression often requires medical supervision as well as
professional treatment. Clinical depression is treatable and
requires commitment, understanding and patience from all those
involved.
2. It is not your fault.
Clinical depression is usually a combination of chemical
imbalance and learned behaviors. There may be times when the
depressed individual is extremely sensitive, argumentative and/or
blaming towards you, the children, the in-laws, the boss, and even
the world. All the above mentioned are not the cause. What you are
responsible for is how you choose to take on the outward symptoms
and how they affect you, your home, and your relationships.
3. Be well informed.
Educate yourself on what type of depression is present and if
there is a dual diagnosis (i.e., chemical dependency and depression
or personality disorders and depression). Know what the symptoms,
treatments, and follow-ups are. There are suggested guidelines for
communication and setting boundaries. Though the illness is not your
fault, it benefits you and your family to remain open-minded and
willing to learn new ways of doing things.
4. Make sure to have a support network.
Depression and dual diagnosis affects the whole family. There are
many ranges of emotions from anger and fear to hopefulness and
hopelessness. Having others who have experienced it before can help
eliminate unhealthy coping mechanisms such as isolation, shame,
control, and low self-esteem. There are many national and local
support groups available on-line. For more information, check with
your favorite search engines or call a local and/or national mental
health hotline.
5. Make time for yourself and your children.
Don’t fall into the trap of not taking care of yourselves.
Misery and fear love company. Living with and loving someone who is
clinically depressed can be incredibly draining. Do not become a
hostage or enabler. Remember your flight instructions: For those
traveling with small children; place the oxygen mask on yourself
first and then assist the children.
6. Be a victor, not a victim.
Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional: We are all going to
feel pain in life -- never mind a home with mental illness. Surround
yourselves with knowledge, self-care, experienced support, and
nurturing. There are no such things as victims, only volunteers.
7. Recognize that clinical depression is episodic.
Clinical depression comes in waves. People with clinical
depression do get better!
8. Understand that medication takes time to work.
In most cases, improvement takes as long as 6-8 weeks. Even early
responders require about 3-4 weeks before they notice mood
improvement. Even after a person with clinical depression feels
better, she or he needs to stay on medication at least 6 months.
People should never stop taking medication on their own; medical
supervision is a must. There can be serious physical and emotional
complications from sudden withdrawal, such as increased depression
and suicidal tendencies.
9. Medication alone is fairly ineffective.
Research shows that medication in combination with cognitive
behavioral therapy is more effective than medication alone. Combined
with therapy, the person who is clinically depressed may need to
make lifestyle changes, including dietary and exercise changes. The
family needs to find ways to reduce stressors by simplifying their
lives.
10. Get a written relapse prevention plan.
Make a list of early symptoms such as sleep, appetite, and mood
changes. Early intervention is the key to stopping a downward
spiral. Determine what worked in the past to get the person with
clinical depression back on track and do the things that worked
before.
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