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by Wendy Betterini
We often have the perception that self-growth
will be simple, enjoyable, and rewarding. It certainly can
be, but
there is also another aspect of the self-growth journey that is
rarely mentioned. And that is, when everything falls apart.
One of the major parts of self-growth is learning how to look
inside yourself and get clear about certain things. Most often,
this involves recognizing and dissolving inner blockages. These
are usually deep-rooted beliefs that we formed in childhood, or at
least the early part of our lives. Sounds good, right? It's very
good, actually, because these beliefs are usually what prevent us
from living fully productive lives. These are the beliefs that
keep us stuck in self-destructive patterns and have a negative
effect on all aspects of our lives. So dissolving them is an
excellent idea.
The problem is that these deep-rooted beliefs are part of the
foundation upon which our current lives are built. When we
dissolve inner blockages, there are suddenly gaping holes in our
foundation, which cannot support what is resting above them.
Inevitably, something will slip down into the hole, causing pain
and turmoil and terror.
That's what happened to me this week. My eyes were opened in a
big way about a blockage I had been struggling with since early
childhood. I finally felt totally clear on why it was there, and I
understood exactly what I needed to do to dissolve it. So, I set
about doing just that -- and then everything fell apart. That's
the understatement of the century. Everything I thought I knew
about my life suddenly became a lie, and I was shaken to my very
core.
I spent a couple of days feeling shell-shocked. Then another
couple of days grieving. Then the light dawned. Finally, I
understood what was happening, and I could see clearly how
everything is interconnected. It was no accident that everything
fell apart just when I was finally making progress on my inner
blockages. They fell apart BECAUSE I was making progress on my
inner blockages.
As painful as it is, it's a good thing, because my life
circumstances were built on lies. The lies were the early beliefs
I had formed about myself since childhood. Once I began changing
those beliefs, my life circumstances began changing also. Change
is good, but it can also be scary and painful as hell. It is
necessary however, because in order to build something better, we
need to tear down what already exists.
In my own experiences, I've noticed that there is a direct
correlation between the size of the blockages we dissolve, and the
magnitude of destruction it causes in our lives. If we dissolve a
small blockage, something small will fall apart in relation. Maybe
our car will break down, or we will develop a minor illness. When
we dissolve a very LARGE blockage, something equally as large will
begin to slide into the abyss. Our marriage might fall apart. Or
we might lose our job. Or we might experience a more serious
illness or accident. As frightening as this sounds, it's a very
important part of the process because it makes us sit up and take
notice! Most often, the parts of our lives that begin to fall
apart weren't that great to begin with. They didn't serve our
higher purpose, even though we may have felt comfortable with
them.
So, how do we deal with the pain and fear when everything falls
apart? Our first reaction might be to run away to avoid feeling
the pain. Another reaction might be to try and put everything back
the way it was before it fell apart. But doing so only delays the
process. Remember that the destruction is necessary in order to
make room for the rebuilding of something better.
In order to complete the process, we need to stay with it. Yes,
there will likely be pain and discomfort involved. There will be
fear. There will be anger and grief. But there will also be an
awakening deeper than any we have experienced before, and our eyes
will be opened in powerful ways.
Here's how to stay with the process through its completion:
1) Look closer. When everything falls apart, pay special
attention to the exact circumstances that have begun
deteriorating. This gives you a BIG clue about the biggest lies
(limiting beliefs you have formed) about yourself, and your life.
Look for the connection between the blockages you are dissolving,
and the circumstances that are coming apart at the seams. For
example, if you have begun exploring your true talents and
abilities, and then you suddenly lose your job, a little
introspection may help you to realize that your job didn't allow
you to USE those talents and abilities, so it needed to be removed
to make way for a more fulfilling career. Sometimes the
connections can be a little more vague and you may have to dig a
little deeper. It may take some time to fully understand how
everything is related, but if you keep at it, you will come to
understand it and you can then use that knowledge to rebuild
something better.
2) Grieve. Yes, you MUST allow yourself to grieve! Just because
the old circumstances were built on "lies" doesn't mean
you won't feel a sense of loss and sadness as they unravel. Allow
yourself to go through that. Cry as much as you need to, and stay
with the sadness for as long as necessary to move completely
through it.
3) Follow through with the destruction. As much as you might
want to try and "fix" everything immediately, don't do
it yet. Instead, take an active role in continuing the destruction
of that which no longer serves you. Hell yes, it's going to hurt.
But at the same time, it will be so incredibly freeing and
empowering. Maybe for the first time in your life, you will feel
in control of your circumstances. You will be choosing to release
self-limiting beliefs, and free yourself from self-destructive
patterns. This "destruction" process can take many
forms, but it usually involves releasing circumstances that no
longer correspond with your newly emerging beliefs, such as
unproductive relationships, unfulfilling jobs, etc. Be willing to
let them go, and prepare yourself for the creation of something
more meaningful.
4) Form new beliefs. Once you dissolve your old beliefs, you
will need to form new beliefs to take their place. Usually this
means replacing limiting beliefs with empowering ones. This is a
process all its own, and it will take time to fully reinforce the
new beliefs in your mind and heart. A helpful activity is to write
out the old beliefs, and then write your new (and usually
opposite) beliefs right next to them. Example: Old belief, "I
am not worthy of love." New belief, "I am worthy of
love. I deserve to be loved." Then simply keep reinforcing
these new beliefs until they become a strong part of your
foundation.
5) Begin rebuilding. This is the fun part! It can be a bit
confusing, however. What do we build? And how? Especially if the
destruction process was particularly painful and life altering, we
may feel at a loss about where to begin again. And the answer is:
let your heart lead you. Think about what you really want your
life to be, and then begin taking the steps to create it. That
might involve getting an exciting new job, or moving to a new
location, or building new relationships. The important thing is to
be sure that your old beliefs have been replaced by new,
empowering ones. Otherwise you will simply re-create circumstances
that don't serve you, and you'll eventually have to go through the
destruction process all over again! Listen closely to the urgings
of your heart, and use them to guide you along the path to a
better life.
This isn't an easy process by any means. But it is oh so
fulfilling and exhilarating if we embrace it and allow it to
happen without fighting against the pain and fear. Through our
trials and challenges come new levels of growth, wisdom, and inner
strength beyond our wildest dreams. We just need to stay with the
process and watch for the rainbows after the storm.
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