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by Suzanne Vachet
One of my favorite authors, Cheri Huber, tells us in her book,
Be The Person
You Want To Find, "One process does not lead to
another. Wanting leads to wanting. Having leads to having. Wanting
does not lead to having." This explains the mechanics behind
affirmations.
Affirmations are statements we tell ourselves to change a belief
or develop a quality within us. Affirmations are to be stated as
if they are happening now, as if they already exist. For example,
if I want to increase my confidence, I am supposed to tell myself,
"I am self-confident." This makes sense: after all, if I
told myself, "Someday, I am going to be self confident,"
I would be reinforcing that right now I don't feel self-confident.
Unless I state the quality AS IF I have it now, I am trying to
turn "wanting" into "having."
However, if I affirm to myself that I am self-confident when I
don't feel confident, a little voice in the back of my head pipes
up and says, "Are you NUTS? We don't have that! If we HAD
that, we wouldn't be STATING that! No one who is self-confident
states 'I am self confident'. They just DO IT, not talk about
it."
Thus, through the very technique I am using to change myself, I
create inner resistance... and don't change. So, if wanting leads
to wanting, and having leads to having, but saying I have
something when I don't feel like I have it can create resistance…
what can bridge that gap?
Here's what I have found that works for me, and what I would
like to invite you to try as well:
Becoming Statements
Create your own "becoming statement"
Follow this syntax to create a "becoming statement:"
"I AM BECOMING MORE _______ EVERY MOMENT." Fill in the
blank with whatever quality you would like more of in your life.
For best results, follow these rules for choosing a quality to
use in this statement:
- Choose positive words. Don't say "I am becoming less
broke." Say, "I am becoming more financially
secure."
-
Choose words that have emotional meaning to you. Intellectually,
the phrase "I am becoming more self-actualized" means
something to me, but my gut doesn't really have an emotional
meaning for "self-actualized." However, my gut DOES have
a meaning for the word "centered" because I've spent
years doing centering exercises, so I have an emotional memory of
being centered. Similarly, choose only a word that is emotionally
meaningful to you.
-
Choose words that have emotional meanings that are not ambivalent
to you. Because of my past history, I have a serious love-hate
relationship with the word "responsibility." If I chose
to tell myself, "I am becoming more responsible," I
might self-sabotage my efforts to change due to my ambivalent
emotions. Choose a word to describe your chosen attribute that has
ONLY POSITIVE connotations to you.
Why does a "becoming statement" work?
Let's look at each part of this statement to explain why a
"becoming statement" may be more effective than an
affirmation when it comes to changing our inner beliefs.
"I AM BECOMING:" The voice in the back of my head
rebels if I try to say I have something when I don't. But that
critical voice CAN accept the idea of "becoming"
something. Because the word "becoming" implies a gradual
process, it reduces the fear of change. Jumping head-first into
something new? That's scary. Dipping my toe in and feeling the
water temperature, then slowly moving into the water, giving
myself time to adjust? That, I can handle.
"MORE:" Using the word "more" is a way to
tell ourselves that we already have the quality we wish to
develop, without triggering our internal "voice of
resistance." Can I say that I am centered right now, or that
I am peaceful every moment? Not always. Can I say "SOMETIMES
I feel centered," or "SOMETIMES I feel peaceful"?
Even my inner critic has to concede that yes, I do have these
qualities sometimes… although perhaps not as consistently as I
would like to have them. In a "becoming statement," when
I use the word "more," I identify to myself that I'm not
moving from "wanting" into "having", but from
"having" into "having".
"_____ (our chosen quality):" When an attribute is
chosen via the guidelines listed above, it allows us to
emotionally feel the quality we are developing, without
ambivalence. This lets us give ourselves a sneak preview of the
good feelings we might get from change, in a manner that doesn't
scare us so much that we run away.
"EVERY MOMENT:" We acknowledge that developing our
chosen quality is not surgery but growth. This is not a goal we're
setting for "somewhere down the road" but an ongoing
process. This process is organic, evolving naturally out of who we
are, what we're learning, and where we're going. By ending a
"becoming statement" with these words, we acknowledge
that "every moment" we are breathing is a moment in
which we are deepening into becoming more authentic, more vibrant,
more alive, more satisfied, and more delighted!
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