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by Nicky Vanvalkenburgh
Do you ever have thoughts, feelings or impulses that attempt to
hijack you?
These intense feelings and thoughts come out of nowhere. They show
up when you least expect it. It might be anxiety, despair, oneliness,
resentment,bitterness, jealousy, or anger. What is your response to
this villain who is attempting to take over your mind, body and
emotions?
You have two choices: Willingly become a prisoner, or assert
yourself and regain control.
Negative emotions can take root in your life, and have
far-reaching consequences. Often people convert their anxiety to
physical symptoms, and actually become sick. This is known as
psychosomatic illness. It is not imaginary, either. People have been
known to develop skin problems, diabetes, arthritis, high blood
pressure, and many other ailments--all due to stress of mismanaged
emotions.
Why does this happen? It starts with mismanaged emotions draining
energy from your body. This leaves you feeling exhausted and worn
out. When your immune system is lowered, you're more likely to
suffer physical breakdown (colds, flu, illness or disease.) Of
course, there is also emotional breakdown (lashing out, panic
attacks, anxiety, feeling disoriented, depression, irrational fears,
etc.)
You see, there is a mind-body connection. Negative emotions may
adversely impact your health. That is why it's wise to keep your
emotions under control.
To avoid being "hijacked," turn the gun around and hold
your thoughts captive. Use your inner voice to coach yourself and
regain control of your emotions. For starters, try these five
"stress soothers" for counteracting negative emotions:
1. Change your perspective. You may not be able to control the
source of your stress, but you can control the way you respond to
it. Change your perspective by reframing what is happening around
you. In other words, change your interpretation. Think about things
in a new and positive way. If you're on the verge of a meltdown, for
example, because your spouse trashed the bathroom (and left wet
towels on the floor) you could remind yourself that he was running
late for work. If your co-worker lashes out at you, remind yourself
that they are stressed because of deadlines, quotas,or something
else beyond your control. In other words, try to be easy going and
don't take things personally. Whatever happens, strive to be cool,
calm and collected. Rather than lashing out and reacting emotionally
to difficult people and situations, diffuse your feelings by putting
things in a proper perspective. Reframing takes conscious effort,
but being flexible and easy going will reduce your stress level.
2.Let it go. Be forgiving of others and yourself. There is a
difference between conviction and condemnation. Conviction is a
healthy form of guilt. If you make a mistake, admit it. Accept
responsibility and strive to make things right. Learn from your
mistakes. Once you're dealt with things, let go of all guilt and
regret. Don't rehash, analyze, blame, or continue to ask why things
happened the way they did. Don't condemn yourself; let it go.
Release your feelings and don't apply any more negative energy to
the situation. Remember that there is nothing you can do to change
the past. Let go of your mistakes. Put it behind you and move on
with a clean slate.
3.Realize that the only person you're responsible for is
yourself. Sometimes obvious solutions are overlooked by the people
who need them the most. Your aunt can't finish a sentence without
hacking, and gasps for air after walking up the stairs. The problem?
She refuses to stop smoking. There's a job opening that's perfect
for your unemployed neighbor with seven kids. The problem? He
refuses to apply. The man is crippled by feelings of inadequacy and
failure. To make matters worse, he refuses to get help for his
emotional problems. As much as we want to help other people, they
must want to help themselves. We can't talk them into it. In the
long run, individuals must be personally motivated to change. Don't
be stressed out about people, circumstances or events that are
beyond your control. If someone refuses to get the help they need,
realize that it's not your responsibility. The only person you're
responsible for is yourself.
4. Keep a positive mental outlook. You can be resilient to stress
in everyday life by thinking positively. Be happy, optimistic,
upbeat and adventurous. Let setbacks roll off your back. Change the
way you look at problems until you find the best solution. Live your
life as a winner, and you'll perform at your best. Be convinced that
you can do anything you set your mind to. No matter what the
situation, strive to be cool,calm and collected. Have a good sense
of humor about yourself. If all of this seems Pollyannaish to you,
consider a person who dwells on negative thoughts, beliefs and
attitudes. It will take them twice as long to succeed (if that
happens at all.) Pessimism enhances stress, and tends to make things
worse.
5. Be assertive when you need to be. It is important to deal with
problems immediately and directly. Speak up for yourself. It may not
be appropriate to vent your frustrations at work, but you can
confide in a spouse, friend or family member. In other words,
express your feelings in a safe environment. Don't stuff your
feelings, or attempt to de-stress by overeating, smoking or drinking
excessively. It's important to be in touch with your feelings and to
acknowledge them. Express your thoughts clearly and with conviction.
Look at people when you talk to them. You can be assertive and still
be considerate of the feelings of others.
Realistically, there will be always be times when we fall prey to
negative emotions. We can train ourselves to recognize these
feelings and address them, before they "hijack" us and
take us prisoner. Increased awareness and better coping skills will
put us on the road to less stress, every time.
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