Kisagotami:
The Mother With The Dead Child ![[go to top]](../../images/scrollup.gif)
There lived in Savatthi a girl called Gotami, in poor
circumstances, belonging to the lowest caste. Because she was very
thin and haggard, a real bean-pole, everyone called her the haggard (kisa)
Gotami. When one saw her walking around, tall and thin, one could not
fathom her inner riches. One could truly say about her:
Her beauty was an inner one
One could not see its spark outside.
She was despondent because due to her poverty and lack of
attractiveness, she was unable to find a husband. But one day it
suddenly happened that a rich merchant who appreciated her inner
wealth and considered that more important than her outer appearance,
married her. However, the husband's family despised her because of her
caste, her poverty and her looks. This animosity caused her great
unhappiness, especially because of her beloved husband, who found
himself in conflict between love for his parents and love for his
wife.
But when Kisagotami gave birth to a baby boy, the husband's whole
clan finally accepted her as the mother of the son and heir. Her
relief about this changed attitude was immense and a great burden was
taken from her. Now she was totally happy and contented. The boy grew
up and soon started playing outside, full of energy and joy. However,
one day her happiness showed itself to be based on an illusion. Her
little son died suddenly. She did not know how to bear this tragedy.
Beyond the usual love of a mother for her child, she had been
especially attached to this child, because he was the guarantee for
her marital bliss and her peace of mind.
His death made her fear that her husband's family would despise her
again and that they would blame her, saying she was karmically unable
to have a son. "Kisagotami must have done some very despicable
deeds, to have this happen to her," people would say. And even
her husband might reject her now. All such ideas and imaginings
revolved in her mind and a dark cloud descended upon her. She simply
refused to accept the fact that the child was dead, and became
obsessed with the fantasy that her child was only sick and that she
had to get medicine for him.
With the dead child in her arms, she ran away from her home and
went from house to house asking for medicine for her little son. At
every door she begged: "Please give me some medicine for my
child," but the people replied that medicine would not help any
more, the child was dead. But she did not understand what they were
saying to her, because in her mind she had resolved that the child was
not dead. Others laughed at her without compassion. But amongst the
many selfish and unsympathetic people, she also met a wise and kind
person who recognized that her mind was deranged because of grief. He
advised her to visit the best physician, namely the Buddha of the ten
powers, who would know the right remedy.
She immediately followed this advice and ran to Prince Jeta's
Grove, Anathapindika's Monastery, where the Buddha was staying. She
arrived in the middle of a discourse being given by the Buddha to a
large congregation. Totally despairing and in tears, with the corpse
of the child in her arms, she begged the Buddha, "Master, give me
medicine for my son." The Awakened One interrupted his teaching
and replied kindly that he knew of a medicine. Hopefully she inquired
what that could be.
"Mustard seeds," the Enlightened One replied, astounding
everyone present.
Joyfully, Kisagotami inquired where she should go to obtain them
and what kind to get. The Buddha replied that she need only bring a
very small quantity from any house where no one had died. She trusted
the Blessed One's words and went to the town. At the first house, she
asked whether any mustard seeds were available. "Certainly,"
was the reply. "Could I have a few seeds?" she inquired.
"Of course," she was told, and some seeds were brought to
her. But then she asked the second question, which she had not deemed
quite as important: whether anyone had died in this house. "But
of course," the people told her. And so it went everywhere. In
one house someone; had died recently, in another house some time ago.
She could not find any house where no one had died. The dead ones are
more numerous than the living ones, she was told.
Towards evening she finally realized that not only she was stricken
by the death of a loved one, but this was the common human fate. What
no words had been able to convey to her, her own experience going
from door to door made clear to her. She understood the law of
existence, the being fettered to the always re-occurring deaths. In
this way, the Buddha was able to heal her obsession and bring her to
an acceptance of reality. Kisagotami no longer refused to believe that
her child was dead, but understood that death is the destiny of all
beings.
Such were the means by which the Buddha could heal grief-stricken
people and bring them out of their overpowering delusion, in which the
whole world was perceived only in the perspective of their loss. Once,
when someone was lamenting the death of his father, the Buddha asked
him which father he meant: the father of this life, or the last life,
or the one before that. Because if one wanted to grieve, then it would
be just as well not only to feel sorrow for the one father. (Pv 8, J
352).
Another time a grief-stricken person was able to see reality when
the Buddha pointed out to him that his son would be reborn and that he
was only lamenting for an empty shell. (Pv 12, J 354).
After Kisagotami had come to her senses, she took the child's
lifeless body to the cemetery and returned to the Enlightened One. He
asked her whether she had brought any mustard seed. She gratefully
explained how she had been cured by the Blessed One. Thereupon the
Master spoke the following verse to her:
In flocks and children finding delight,
with a mind clinging just such a man
death seizes and carries away,
as a great flood, a sleeping village.
(Dhp 287)
Because her mind had matured and she had won insight into reality,
it was possible for her to become a stream-winner after hearing the
Buddha proclaim just that one verse. She asked for admittance into the
Order of Nuns.
After having spent some time as a nun, practicing and studying
Dhamma, she watched her lamp one evening and compared the restlessly
hissing flames with the ups and downs of life and death. Thereupon the
Blessed One came to her and again spoke a short verse:
Though one should live a hundred years
not seeing the Deathless State,
yet better is life for a single day,
seeing the Deathless State.
(Dhp 114)
When she heard these lines, she was able to shed all fetters and
became one of the arahants, the fully Enlightened Ones.
Ninety-two eons ago, in one of her former lives, she had been the
wife of a Buddha-to-be, at the time of the Buddha Phussa. During the
time of the last Buddha before the Sage of the Sakyas, namely Buddha
Kassapa, she had been a King's daughter who became a nun. (J 409)
In the collection of "Verses of the Elder Nuns" her
stanzas can be found, in which she describes the great joy the Buddha
imparted to her. Therefore she praises friendship with the Noble and
Holy Ones:
The Sage has emphasized and praised
Noble friendship for the world.
If one stays with a Noble Friend,
even a fool will become a wise person.
Stay with them of good heart
for the wisdom of those who stay with them grows.
And while one is staying with them,
from every kind of dukkha one is freed.
Dukkha one should know well,
and how dukkha arises and ceases,
and the Eightfold Path,
and the Four Noble Truths.
(Thig 213-215)
The compassion of the Buddha, the most noble friend of all, had
saved her from all suffering experienced in this and former lives. She
used as her model, the heartrending example of the nun Patacara who
had also been afflicted with temporary insanity after the death of not
only husband and two sons, but also parents and brothers. Because
women's longing for men is so deeply ingrained, the Buddha said,
"For a man does the woman strive." (A VI.52) From this
attachment is born the torture of jealousy, the lack of self-reliance,
and the despair of loneliness.
Only when one penetrates a woman's suffering in this way can one
realize the full impact of Kisagotami's gratitude towards the Buddha
who showed her the way. So she says:
"Woman's state is painful,"
declares the Trainer of tamable men.
"A wife with others is painful
and once having borne a child,
some even cut their throats;
others of delicate constitution
poison take, then pain again;
and then there's the baby obstructing the birth,
killing the mother too."
(Thig 216-217)
After she attained to arahantship, she was able to see her past
lives and could now say:
Miserable woman, your kin all dead
and limitless dukkha you've known.
So many tears have you shed
in these many thousands of births.
(Thig 220)
The third part of her verses finalizes her joy in finding
liberation and release from all suffering:
Wholly developed by me is
the Eightfold Noble Path going to Deathlessness,
Nibbana realized,
I looked into the Mirror of the Dhamma.
With dart removed am I,
the burden laid down, done what was to be done,
The elder nun Kisagotami,
freed in mind and heart, has chanted this.
(Thig 222-223)
When Mara,[*] as he had done so often before with other nuns, came
to tempt her, to distract her from meditation and asked her whether
she was lusting for man now that her child was dead, she immediately
replied, discerning the ruse:
* [Mara is traditionally depicted as the "tempter" or
"temptation." While here it is made to appear as if
"he" were an outer force, the Buddha taught that
temptation arises in one's own heart and mind because of one's own
defilements.]
Passed is the time of my child's death
and I have fully done with men;
I do not grieve, nor do I weep,
and I'm not afraid of you, friend.
Sensual delight in every way is dead,
for the mass of darkness is destroyed.
Defeating the soldiery of death,
I live free from every taint.
(S 5,3)
Addressing Mara as "friend," she shows her lack of fear
and her equanimity. Grumbling sullenly, Mara disappeared just as
before when he had tried in vain to fetter other nuns to the realm of
birth and death.
The nun Kisagotami, rising to holiness from lowliest birth, was
praised by the Buddha as amongst the seventy-five greatest nuns.[*]
* [She was pre-eminent in ascetic habits and was wont to wear
garments of rough fibers. (A I, 24).]
Sources: A I,24; S 5,3; Thig 213-223, J 438; Ap 11 No.22
Sona
With Many Children ![[go to top]](../../images/scrollup.gif)
There was a housewife in Savatthi who had ten children. She was
always occupied with giving birth, nursing, upbringing, educating and
arranging marriages for her children. Her children were her whole
life. She was therefore known as "Sona with many children."
She was rather like Migara's mother of the same city, though the
latter had twenty children. We may find such an abundance of offspring
in one family somewhat strange today. However, this was not uncommon
in Asia and even in some parts of the West.
Sona's husband was a lay follower of the Buddha. After having
practiced moral conduct according to the precepts for several years
while living the household life, he decided that the time had come to
enter into the holy life, and so he became a monk. It was not easy for
Sona to accept this decision, yet she did not waste her time with
regrets and sorrow, but decided to live a more religiously dedicated
life. She called her ten children and their husbands and wives
together, turned her considerable wealth over to them, and asked them
only for support for her necessities. For a while all went well. She
had sufficient support and could spend her time in religious
activities.
But soon it happened that the old woman became a burden to her
children and children-in-law. They had not been in agreement with
their father's decision, and even less did they agree with their
mother's devout attitude and religious speech. Indeed, they thought of
their parents as foolish because they would not indulge in the
pleasures their wealth could purchase. They considered their parents
mentally unstable, religious fanatics; this attitude made them despise
their mother.
They quickly forgot that they owed all their riches to their
mother, that she had lavished many years of care and attention on
them. Looking only at the present moment, they considered the old
woman a nuisance. The words of the Buddha, that a grateful person is
as rare in the world as one who becomes a Noble One, proved true again
in this case. (A III, 122; V, 143; V, 195).
The increasing disdain by her children was an even greater pain for
Sona than the separation from her husband. She became aware that waves
of bitterness arose in her, that reproaches and accusations
intermingled. She realized that what she had taken to be selfless
love, pure mother's love, was in reality self love, coupled with
expectations. She had been relying on her children completely and had
been convinced that she would be supported by them in her old age as a
tribute to her long years of solicitude for them, that gratitude,
appreciation and participation in their affairs would be her reward.
Had she not looked at her children as an investment then, as an
insurance against the fear and loneliness of old age? In this manner,
she investigated her motives and found the truth of the Enlightened
One's words in herself. Namely, that it was a woman's way not to rely
on possessions, power and abilities, but solely on her children, while
it was the way of the ascetic to rely on virtue alone. (A VI, 53).
Her reflections brought her to the decision to enter the Order of
Nuns so that she could develop the qualities of selfless love and
virtue. Why should she remain in her home where she was only
reluctantly accepted? She looked upon the household life as a gray
existence and pictured that of a nun as brilliant, and so was ready to
follow here husband's path. She became a nun, a Bhikkhuni in the order
of the Buddha's followers.
But after a while she realized that she had taken her self-love
along. The other nuns criticized her behavior in many small matters.
She had entered the Sangha as an old woman and had dozens of habits
and peculiarities which were obstacles in this new environment. She
was used to doing things in a certain way, and the other nuns did them
differently.
Sona soon realized that it was not easy to reach noble attainments,
and that the Order of Nuns was not the paradise she had envisioned
just as she had not found security with her children. She also
understood that she was still held fast by her womanly limitations. It
was not enough that her weaknesses were abhorrent to her, and that she
was longing for more masculine traits. She also had to know what to do
to effect the change. She accepted the fact that she had to make
tremendous efforts, not only because she was already advanced in
years, but also because until now she had only cultivated female
virtues. The masculine characteristics which she was lacking were
energy and circumspection. Sona did not become discouraged, nor
thought of the Path as too difficult. She had the same sincerity and
steadfastness as her sister-nun-Soma, who said:
What's it to do with a woman's state
When the mind, well-composed
with knowledge after knowledge born,
sees into Perfect Dhamma clear?
For who, indeed, conceives it thus:
A woman am I, a man am I,
or what, then indeed, am I?
Such a one can Mara still address.
(S 5,2)
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