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by Elizabeth J. Harris
Introduction
In November 1992, David Craig, head of Religious
Broadcasting for the World Service of the BBC, and Rev. Martin
Forward, Interfaith Officer for the Methodist Church in Britain,
visited Sri Lanka to gather material on Buddhism for a series of
programs to be broadcast in 1993 during a focus on South Asia. I
helped to plan their program and was also asked to prepare a few
talks for the World Service's daily "Words of Faith" spot — a
four minute pre-recorded broadcast sent out three times each
day. Four talks resulted, broadcast in April and May 1993.
Towards the end of 1993, I was asked for more and six went out
in April and May 1994. Of these ten talks, eight have been
selected for the present Bodhi Leaf: four from the 1994 series
(presented first) and the four from the 1993 series (slightly
expanded, placed after the 1994 talks).
The themes of the talks are rooted in my journey, as a
Christian, into Buddhism. In the mid-1980's I felt the need to
"let go" of my own religious conditioning to enter the world of
another faith. It grew from a conviction that people with an
interest in religion should not remain imprisoned within one
framework but should explore others. The choice of Buddhism and
Sri Lanka was a natural one for me. Buddhism's emphasis on
meditation and non-violence touched my own interests as a
Christian, and a visit to Sri Lanka in 1984 had left me with the
feeling that my link with the island was not finished.
I originally intended to be in Sri Lanka for one year. One
year, however, became seven and a half, from 1986 until 1993. My
aim throughout was not only to study Buddhism but to practice
it. I did not consider myself involved in "interfaith dialogue"
although I'm sure some perceived my actions in this way. I
wanted to enter Buddhism on its own terms, as a human being
rather than as a Christian. The subjects of all the talks
printed here arise from the personal journey of discovery that
resulted. They draw on conversations with Buddhist friends,
travel to different parts of the country in times of war, the
experience of meditation, and my reading of the Pali texts. Most
importantly, they reflect the concerns which developed as the
interests I brought from Britain encountered Buddhism and Sri
Lanka: the relationship between non-attachment and outgoing
compassionate action; the practical meaning of anatta (no
soul) and its implications; the benefit of sati
(mindfulness) for the individual and society; the resources
Buddhism can offer to those working for social justice and
inter-ethnic or inter-religious harmony; the question of a
woman's role in society.
My journey into Buddhism was not always an easy one and of
course I could not let go of my Christian conditioning
completely, but it has brought me to a stage when I can say with
utter sincerity that I revere the Buddha and take refuge in his
teachings. I remain a Christian, one who seeks to follow the
self-sacrificial path of Jesus of Nazareth, but I also feel at
home in a Buddhist meditation center. The talks, I hope, will
show that this is possible. I dedicate them to all the Sri
Lankan friends who have brought me to a deeper understanding of
the heart of Buddhism.
Elizabeth Harris June 1994
1. Mindfulness

Once I told an academic in Sri Lanka that I practiced a
Buddhist form of meditation. Flippantly, he asked whether I was
able to levitate. That's not an uncommon reaction. It confuses
meditation with self-induced trance or making the mind a blank,
something that is unrelated to everyday life. But to make such a
confusion is a mistake. True Buddhist meditation is a vigorous
form of mind-training which can transform both thought and
action.
In the Theravada Buddhist tradition, found in Burma, Sri
Lanka, and Thailand, the practice of mindfulness or "bare
attention" is very important. When sitting in meditation,
perhaps noting the breath as it touches the inside of the
nostrils, thoughts inevitably enter the mind. Usually they
relate to oneself in the past or the future. Recent
conversations replay themselves. Decisions yet to be made thrust
themselves forward. Reactions of dislike to bodily pains arise.
And occasionally, images freed from a deeper level of our being
move slowly upwards. When thoughts and feelings arise in
meditation, they are to be simply observed. They are not to be
repressed or pushed aside, but neither are they to be allowed
complete freedom to proliferate. Their arising and passing is
noted without censure or praise.
When I first began to meditate I discovered that thoughts and
feelings are fluid, ever changing, often uncontrollable,
frequently illogical and irrational. It was a painful
realization, since I had assumed my mind was under my direct
control. But it was also the beginning of self-knowledge, the
beginning of knowing how my mind worked and the doorway to
modifying conditioned and negative patterns of reaction in my
own life.
At one meditation center in Sri Lanka, high in the mountains,
surrounded by tea estates, the first session begins at five in
the morning. I had to get up by candlelight, pull on warm
clothes, and cross the grass to the meditation hall, under a sky
often brilliantly full of stars. One morning, I was gazing at
the dark, silvered beauty of the sky when I heard steps below
me. At that moment, I caught my mind saying, "Go on into the
meditation hall so that they can see you were up first."
Normally, I would have hurried into the hall to show my
punctuality, but on that occasion I noted the thought,
recognized the element of competition, and consciously refused
to act on it. I stayed for several more moments rapt in the
pre-dawn stillness, feeling the cool air against my skin, and I
was certainly not the first to settle my cushions before the
silent, candle-lit image of the Buddha. And I know it was the
practice of
sati, of mindfulness, which made that moment of insight
into my own competitive egotism possible, insight into a
childish wish to impress, to be top of the class.
Meditation of this kind is hard work. It has nothing to do
with making the mind a blank, though it can lead to peace and
calm when the racing mind stills and there is only the present
moment. One monk who taught me put it this way: "Meditation is
the ultimate practice of non-violence. Suffering, pain, and
feelings of anger are not suppressed but faced, confronted, and
transformed."
2. Non-Retaliation

In one sermon of the Majjhima Nikaya, one of the five
sections within the collection of sermons in the Pali Canon, the
Buddha says to his disciples:
Monks, as low-down thieves might carve you limb from limb
with a double-handed saw, yet even then whoever sets his
mind at enmity, he, for this reason, is not a doer of my
teaching. This is how you must train yourselves: neither
will my mind become perverted, nor will I utter an evil
speech, but kindly and compassionate will I dwell, with a
mind of friendliness and devoid of hatred.
The vividness of this picture has always moved me — a thief
hacking off my arms and legs with a saw. And it isn't that
far-fetched. War involves such butchery. The denial of human
rights under totalitarian regimes produces similar horror, and
so does the obsessional urge of a multiple murderer. Fear,
terror, or violent retaliation in self-protection would seem the
natural reactions to such an attack, the reaction programmed
into our bodies.
Yet the challenge of Buddhism here is: do not retaliate, do
not hate; show compassion to all people even if they are about
to kill you. It is a challenge which reaches out from other
religions also. Jesus of Palestine, suffering the agony of being
nailed through his flesh to rough wooden posts, forgave his
killers and felt compassion for them in their blindness.
But does this imply that Buddhism advocates that we should
never protect ourselves or others from violence, that we should
submit to whatever exploitation we are subjected to, that in the
face of evil forces we should remain passive? To answer "yes" is
to misread Buddhism and all true religion. Buddhism does not
support passivity in the face of violence and evil. Rather, it
encourages a mental attitude which can face and oppose violence
without fear or hatred.
Nowhere in the Buddhist texts is it suggested that we should
remain inactive when others are suffering. Nowhere does it say
we should refrain from action if someone is murdering our son,
daughter, neighbor, or colleague in front of our eyes. In such
situations, suffering must be relieved, violence must be
denounced, self-sacrifice might even be demanded, though the
Buddhist texts also warn that to meet violence with violence
brings a spiral of further violence. What the Buddhist texts do
say is that to hate, to feel anger towards the doer of violence,
is self-defeating. It harms the hater more than the hated.
In the ancient Buddhist texts, we come across many stories of
non-hatred deflecting violence and making it powerless. One
woman, because she refuses to feel hatred, is unharmed when
burning oil is poured over her by a jealous co-wife. And when a
monk dies of snakebite, the Buddha says he would not have died
if he had radiated loving kindness to the world of snakes. This
might seem utopian in a world shot through with violence. The
skeptic could point to the deaths of Gandhi in India, Oscar
Romero in El Salvador, and Michael Rodrigo in Sri Lanka to show
that the most compassionate of beings have been unable to escape
violent deaths caused by the greed and hatred of others.
But the force of these religious teachings will remain.
Violence is not overcome by violence. Hatred is not defeated by
hatred. Our lives are not made more secure by wishing to protect
them. To face death without hatred or fear, even towards our
killers, is the path of sainthood. These are eternal truths.
3. The Brahmaviharas
A professor of Theravada Buddhism once asked me, "Why is it
assumed, at all the interfaith gatherings I attend, that God is
the uniting factor among the religions? We should be
concentrating on humanity rather than divinity."
When it is taken for granted that all people of faith worship
a Supreme Creator and Sustainer God, Buddhists and Jains are
excluded. Although Buddhists believe that there are gods living
in heavens, they do not ascribe creative power to them, nor do
they believe that these gods have any influence over ultimate
human liberation.
Belief in God cannot, therefore, provide common ground
between Buddhists and religions such as Christianity, Islam, and
Judaism. But can common ground be found in what religions say
about humanity or about how we can work for a humane society? I
believe the answer is "yes." Buddhism speaks of four
brahmaviharas,
or "divine abidings," and these qualities permeate the whole of
Buddhist teaching. They are metta — loving kindness;
karuna — compassion; mudita — sympathetic joy; and
upekkha — equanimity.
Metta is boundless loving kindness radiated to all
beings — to friends and enemies, the known and the unknown, the
lovely and the unlovely. It is an action-changing mental
orientation. Karuna
is seen where people are so sensitive to the sufferings of
others that they cannot rest until they act to relieve that
suffering. To a greater degree than metta, karuna
involves action.
Mudita is a quality which challenges me greatly. To show
mudita is to show joy in the success of others, to be
free from jealousy or bitterness, to celebrate happiness and
achievement in others even when we are facing tragedy ourselves.
As for upekkha, equanimity, this has often been
misunderstood as indifference, as apathy in the face of human
pain, the very antithesis of compassion. But upekkha is
really freedom from the self-centeredness which clouds
understanding and destroys true discernment. People with
upekkha are not pulled this way and that by emotional
reactions that have more to do with the ego than with true
concern for others. They can see right from wrong and can act
with wisdom.
The brahmaviharas speak to me of the ideals that
should direct our lives — the ideals that can create the kind of
society any truly religious person yearns for. Such a society
would be one where loving kindness and compassion triumph over
greed, where the success of one person does not mean the
demeaning or exploitation of others, where rulers are guided by
clear principles of right and wrong rather than hunger for
praise or power. These "divine abidings" give a picture of the
truly good. They touch the hope of all religions and can bring
unity of purpose independent of a concept of God.
So let compassion for the good of humanity be at the
forefront of religious encounters. May those who come from the
monotheistic traditions discover that they can share their hopes
for a righteous society with their Buddhist neighbors. May
Buddhists find themselves united with their Jewish, Christian,
and Muslim friends in working for a world where loving kindness
takes the place of greed.
4. Vesak
In May 1991 I traveled from war-torn Jaffna in northern Sri
Lanka to the South. It was at Vesak, the time when Buddhists
celebrate three major events in the life of their Master: his
birth, his awakening into Buddhahood, and his passing away into
final Nibbana. It was like moving from one world into another.
In the North, the tension was palpable — towns gutted by
fighting, vast stretches of empty roads, people with hardship in
their eyes. But as we crossed over into the South, there was
celebration. Groups of boys flagged down our car to thrust fruit
drinks into our hands. Lanterns of wire and colored paper hung
in porches with their streamers flowing in the breeze. And
nearer Colombo came the first of the pandals — massive,
temporary structures by the road, brilliantly lit, telling in
pictures Buddhist stories of how self-sacrifice triumphs over
violence, how compassion vanquishes hatred.
Vesak is the most important religious festival of the
Buddhist year. It is marked by light, pilgrimage, and the
re-telling of stories. At its heart is remembrance of the
Buddha's solitary striving in meditation under a tree near Gaya
in India 2500 years ago.
The serene face of the Buddha image can give the impression
that this striving led to an experience of the metaphysical. But
Prince Siddhattha became the Buddha not because he was lifted
beyond the world but because he saw the real nature of the
world. It had been his sensitivity to human suffering that had
made him leave his wife and son years before. He had wanted an
answer to the question: Why? Why was life shot through with the
pain of illness, bereavement, and unrealized longings? At
Bodhgaya, he found it. He saw that humans were bound to
anguish-filled lives because their interpretation of the world
was wrong. He saw that our fault was to believe that our lives,
our possessions, and our hopes are centered around an unchanging
self which has to be protected and promoted. He saw that only
suffering was the result, fuelled by the greeds and hatreds
flowing from selfish craving.
"All formations are impermanent," is what the Buddha
understood. Self-centered clinging, he realized, was the fruit
of delusion. With this came liberation. The prison of selfhood
evaporated.
Raga and dosa, greed and hatred, were destroyed.
Boundless compassion was released and he could teach the world
that suffering has a cause and can be eradicated.
At Vesak Buddhists celebrate this knowledge that suffering
can be ended, that within the pain of life there is hope. In
1991 and today in 1994, that celebration takes place against the
backdrop of war, in Sri Lanka and elsewhere — war caused by
interlocking structures of injustice, rooted in human greed and
human illusion, throwing the innocent before the barrel of a gun
or under the rubble of a shelled building. My hope is that the
Buddha's message will not only be heard but acted upon. All war
and conflict can be traced back to some form of craving or
delusion. It may be craving for power, or domination by an
individual or group, or the delusion which flows from distorted
history or myth. Vesak should call us to analyze the causes of
our bloodletting, to see where craving and greed cloud
objectivity and prevent peace.
The story goes that the Buddha was at first loathe to share
with others what he had learned because so few would understand
its hard but liberating message. Our fortune is that he did
share it. The health of our world depends on whether we act on
that message.
5. The Self in Buddhism and Christianity
Sri Pada, in Sri Lanka, is over 7,000 feet high and has been
a place of pilgrimage for centuries. At the summit is a huge
footprint, claimed variously to be that of the Buddha, Adam, and
Lord Shiva. From December to May is the pilgrimage season. Each
night during this season, thousands of devotees climb up an
illuminated, lengthy ascent of steps. From a distance, the dark
shape seems to have a diamond necklace thrown down its side.
Sometimes the crowd is so large that pilgrims have to pause at
each step they climb. The pressure on the leg muscles is
incredible. An elderly Buddhist friend of mine climbed on such a
night. She told me that the only way she could force her legs
through the ordeal was to say of the pain, "This is not mine,
this is not me."
She says the same in her meditation practice, and I have
learned to do so too. When sitting in absolute stillness,
irritations come, mosquitoes bite, pain from the knees shoots
up, the strong urge to relieve itchy skin arises. But it is
possible to conquer the wish to move or scratch by seeing the
pain simply as pain and not as belonging to an "I." The pain
becomes an object for meditation. It becomes a process that can
be observed. This snaps the thread of our usual response to
irritation, which is to claim it as ours and to seek to
be rid of it. And it can also train the mind to detect and halt
negative reactions to other forms of attack on our persons in
everyday life.
All this touches on anatta, the Buddhist concept of
no-self or no-soul. Anatta was seized on by nineteenth
century Christian missionaries to Sri Lanka as something which
proved Buddhism was absolutely nihilistic. For instance, Rev.
Thomas Moscrop, a Methodist missionary, claimed in 1889 that
Buddhism "is too pessimistic, too cold, too antagonistic to the
constitution of human nature to take the world captive" (The
Ceylon Friend, 16 October 1889). But I have not found
nihilism in what Buddhists have said to me about anatta.
Some years ago, one friend said, "If there is no belief in self,
there is no worry; there is no reason to become angry or hurt."
To her, the idea was liberating. It was freedom from being tied
to self-promotion and self-protection.
I can remember how deeply her words challenged me. They
helped me to see that Buddhism and Christianity are not in
opposition here. The frameworks are different but the practical
path towards human liberation touches both. Both religions speak
about a wrong concept of the self. Buddhism says: Don't think
you are fixed, unchanging. You are forever flowing, shifting,
interconnected with the whole cosmos. Free yourself from
clinging to the idea that you are separate and have to fight
against the world to keep your identity intact. Christianity
also has something radical to say. The Methodists, a Christian
denomination which arose in eighteenth century England, have a
Covenant Service on the first Sunday of each new year in which
they pledge obedience to God. At one point they say, "I am no
longer my own but thine." Saint Paul, in his letters to new
churches, speaks of having lost his old self. To the Christians
of Colossae in Greece, he says, "For you have died and your life
is hid with Christ in God" (Colossians 3:3). All of these
sayings point to a death of the egotistical self and a loss of
self-sufficiency and self-worship.
Both Buddhism and Christianity say that the self which
insists on its separateness from the rest of life is doomed.
Buddhism says that such a self has no objective existence as an
unchanging entity. Christianity says the self has to die to give
way to a higher power of love. Both point to the liberation that
comes when we transcend care for self, when we refuse to exert
protective ownership over our lives and persons. I have
certainly found that if we do not cling to pain, hurt, and fear
as ours but accept them as part of the changing flux of
existence, if we do not seek to protect our identity and safety
at all costs, we will be able to climb more than Adam's Peak. We
are liberated into a new way of seeing and a new openness to the
ever-changing process of existence.
6. Detachment and Compassion
A Christian missionary in Sri Lanka once said to me with
great sincerity, "The Buddha image speaks to me of coldness, of
non-involvement, of a turning away from life. I prefer the image
of Jesus Christ with his robes dirty with the sweat of the
poor."
One stereotype of Buddhism is that it supports a withdrawal
from the suffering of the world, a renunciation of active
involvement with society. An inter-religious conference I
attended a few years ago stays in my mind because one of the
western participants insisted that outward-moving compassion was
not an important part of Buddhism. My encounter with Buddhism
forces me to challenge this stereotype. I did so at that
conference and I continue to do so. It is outsiders — European
observers and those seeking an escape from the world — who have
projected onto Buddhism the encouragement of indifference to the
agony within human life. It does not rise from within. Buddhism
certainly speaks of destruction, renunciation, and detachment,
but it is detachment from all those things which prevent
compassion from flowing — from possessiveness, competitiveness,
and selfishness.
Viraga, one of the Pali words translated as detachment,
actually means "without raga" — without lust, without
possessive craving — not without concern for our world.
When I told a Buddhist monk here in Sri Lanka of my
experience at that inter-religious conference, he simply said,
"Without compassion, there can be no Buddhism." And that
compassion is an active one. Buddhaghosa, the great fifth
century commentator who came from India to work in Sri Lanka,
gives several meanings to the Buddhist concept of compassion. He
writes: "When there is suffering in others it causes good
people's hearts to be moved, thus it is compassion. Or
alternatively, it combats others' suffering and demolishes it,
thus it is compassion. Or alternatively, it is scattered upon
those who suffer, or extended to them by pervasion, thus it is
compassion" (The Path of Purification [Visuddhimagga,
translated by Bhikkhu Ñanamoli, BPS 1975], IX, 92). To extend
compassion to others in meditation is certainly part of Buddhist
practice, but so too is the effort to combat and demolish
suffering. To combat suffering involves more than refraining
from doing harm. It implies action to liberate others both from
social forces which dehumanize and from imprisoning thought
patterns which hinder wholeness and the living of a religious
life. Such action is seen in the life of the Buddha and in the
lives of all truly enlightened ones.
For me, the picture of Jesus Christ with his clothes marked
with the suffering of the poor and the image of the Buddha do
not contradict one another. They are not in conflict or
competition. Compassion unites them. Jesus stretched his hands
out to the poor and those despised in his society, taking into
himself the world's evil. The Buddha, out of compassion for
humans caught in the pain and suffering of existence, left his
wife and son to seek a path of liberation for all.
In Polonnaruwa, one of the ancient, now ruined, capitals of
Sri Lanka, there is a rock temple, the Gal Vihara, where three
massive images are formed out of the stone. Two are of the
Buddha. Peace seems to radiate from them and has done so for
over 800 years. Yet it is not the peace of indifference or
apathy. It is the peace of wisdom and compassion, which arises
when the heart-rending nature of human violence and human greed
is fully realized. It is not an anguished, twisted scream of
torture at the nature of the world's inhumanity, but a silent,
gentle embodiment in stone of empathy, compassion, and strength.
In front of these very images, Thomas Merton, an American
Christian monk of this century whose religious journey brought
him very close to Buddhism, was urged to write, "The rock, all
matter, is charged with dharmakaya... everything is
emptiness and everything is compassion."
The Buddha image speaks to me, therefore, both of the wisdom
which sees into the causes of human suffering and also of the
compassion which lies at the very heart of true enlightenment.
And it stirs me to try to do something to demolish some of the
pain of our world.
7. Buddhism and Social Justice
Among such humans, brethren, there will arise a sword period
of seven days during which they will look on each other as wild
beasts; sharp swords will appear ready to their hands, and they
thinking, "This is a wild beast," will with their swords deprive
each other of life.
These words from the Pali Canon come towards the end of the
Cakkavatti Sihanada Sutta of the Digha Nikaya. Here the
Buddha describes the process whereby a society slides into a
state of absolute anarchy and violence, reaching the point where
all respect for the preciousness of human life is lost and
humans kill each other without guilt or remorse. Stealing
appears first, then murder; false speech and sexual promiscuity
follow. Religion is undermined; respect for elders
disintegrates; human life loses its worth. It is a horrifying
picture of growing bestiality that is as relevant today as it
was when first spoken.
When I first met Buddhism, an important question for me was
what Buddhism had to say about the problems of violence and
injustice, problems which affect every nation. The classic
formula at the heart of Buddhism is that it is tanha,
craving, which lies at the root of the world's misery. Often
this is seen in a very individualistic way. The Buddhist path is
held up as an escape route from suffering through withdrawal
from society and through mental culture. I do not downplay this
emphasis. The importance of mind-training was central to the
Buddha's teaching. It holds the key to the liberating insight
that can transform human life. Yet I have found that individual
psychological factors are not the only ones emphasized in the
Buddhist texts. The texts do give pictures for anyone
concerned with justice and harmony within the body of society.
In the text I started with, the chain of causality which
results in bestiality goes back to the State, the king, who
forgets one of the duties ascribed to a just ruler in Buddhism.
It is this: "And whosoever in thy kingdom is poor, to him let
wealth be given." By overlooking this, the king denied the poor
a living, and from this — a refusal to create economic justice —
flows stealing, murder, lying, immorality, and bestiality. What
I find interesting is that the accusing finger is pointed at the
structures of power and not at evil qualities in the ordinary
people. And the message is: violence and social breakdown are
inevitable if people are denied the means to live with dignity.
To use a Christian term, the poor in the myth are "sinned
against" by their ruler. They are victims of structural
injustice and their urge to survive corrupts the whole fabric of
society.
The story within the Cakkavatti Sihanada Sutta,
however, does not end with the sword period. When the depths of
brutality have been reached, there are some who see the enormity
of their fall from humane values. They go into retreat — into
caves, jungle dens, and caverned tree trunks — and emerge to
embrace one another and to restore harmony through the recovery
of moral sense. A deterioration from the state downwards is
transformed into a regeneration from the bottom upwards, through
the will and discernment of the people themselves.
The message of this sutta challenges all those who see
religion purely in individualistic terms. It demonstrates
Buddhism's very real concern for social justice and also the
stress it places on analyzing the root causes of disharmony and
violence. It presents society as a net of interacting,
interdependent beings who are helped or hindered from living
wholesome lives by the forces which flow from the state or world
structures. In Sri Lanka, I have met groups seeking to find
elements in Buddhism relevant to social issues. This
mythological story is one of them. It can be a resource to all
of us. It urges us to look at the society in which we live
critically and to ask, "Is there a deterioration of human
values?" If so, we must ask further, "Does our society create
the conditions in which each person can live with dignity?" If
it does not, then Buddhism encourages not only a path of
individual mental culture but also the kind of social
involvement which recognizes the ability of ordinary people to
change their situation and which seeks to struggle for a more
just world where none is denied resources to live.
8. Compassion
Kataragama is a place of pilgrimage in the south of Sri
Lanka, holy to both Buddhists and Hindus. In 1989, I went to
their annual festival. On the final night, as elephants,
drummers, and dancers were slowly and gracefully moving along
the path between the shrine to Lord Kataragama and the Kiri
Vehera, the Buddhist temple, with its milk-white dagoba,
two powerful grenades were lobbed into the crowd, made up mainly
of poor villagers but containing one political dignitary. About
fifteen people were killed and many more were injured,
especially in the rush to escape the sacred area. It was the
time when the JVP, the People's Liberation Front, was attempting
to seize political power through the gun and the death threat.
At Kataragama, religious devotion was shattered by blood in a
pattern not unfamiliar in Sri Lanka. Both Hindus and Muslims
have also been attacked when worshipping. Political concerns and
religion have touched. In this context, the inter-religious
encounter that I began in 1986 as a student of Buddhism in Sri
Lanka, also became a journey into suffering and painful
political reality, which included the violent death of friends
and sharing the fear of those who were threatened. An important
question for me at this time was how to cope with the suffering
around me without being destroyed, how to empathize with others
and deal with my own fear for the safety of dear ones.
In any situation of violence or war, there is a choice to be
made — to become vulnerable to the pain involved or to raise
defenses against it in a refusal to recognize its existence.
Many raise defenses because such a path seems easier. For to
become vulnerable is to let go of control — the control we place
on our feelings when we repress them or fight them. And such a
loss can be frightening. I found myself choosing vulnerability
in Sri Lanka. I chose to look violence in the face. I chose to
see its horror and to recognize the fear and pain it brings
rather than to push these things from my consciousness.
The experience would not have been bearable if not for an
encounter with compassion. For it was when I became aware, in my
whole being rather than only at the level of the intellect, that
what I was feeling was the pain of a nation, a world, rather
than simply my own pain, that I was able to cope with it. It was
the realization of interconnectedness — that we are woven one
with another — an insight central to Buddhism. I saw that there
is a common core of suffering in life which links us together so
that to become vulnerable is inevitably to become aware not only
of one's own pain but also of that of others. When I had reached
this point of insight, compassion came like a gift and I learned
that it could destroy bitterness and paralysis. Behind pain lies
compassion — compassion for all beings caught up in the violence
of existence.
It was at this time that I wrote the following words,
disturbed by the number of people who seemed undisturbed by the
fact that Sri Lanka had become a killing field:
Our eyes no longer cloud in grief The
sword no longer twists in our own heart Moans on the wind
no longer weaken our limbs For we have grown accustomed,
tamed Our vulnerability encased in self-erected stone.
Do we need to relearn how to feel? How to chip away what
we ourselves have built To sense again the rising of
agony, the breaking of control As drops of blood
become a river And tears merge with its bitter flow.
Is this asking too much? That we should so open our
bodies to pain To the shadowy part of our deeper selves
Where the hurt and joy of a cosmos lie
And compassion, like a fertile seed, awaits to grow?
I feel we must open ourselves up. We must recognize the
suffering which lies at the heart of existence and then let
compassion arise and strengthen us to struggle against all that
dehumanizes.
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Source: Bodhi Leaves No. 134 (Kandy: Buddhist
Publication Society, 1994). Transcribed from a file
provided by the BPS, with minor revisions in accordance
with the ATI style sheet. Pali diacritics are
represented using the Velthuis convention. Copyright ©
1994 Elizabeth J. Harris. Reproduced, reformatted and
added bookmarks to Access to Insight edition © 2005 For
free distribution. This work may be republished,
reformatted, reprinted, and redistributed in any medium.
It is the author's wish, however, that any such
republication and redistribution be made available to
the public on a free and unrestricted basis and that
translations and other derivative works be clearly
marked as such. |
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